Sixty-Six: That's Why The Lady is a Tramp

Damn school with the damn cold from kids living in the damn dorms sitting next to me in the damn classrooms ... I've got a bad habit of forgetting these now (along with forgetting that it's tu sei and not flippin' tu sta), but here are two from last night:

There's some kind of family reunion going on in a restaurant and I'm stuck at a table with Michael Douglas and J-Lo. Now J-Lo is dating Mike, but she's clearly uncomfortable with him, and I'm getting the impression that she's trying to break off their relationship, because he's kind of a stalker.

The waitress comes over and Mike asks for the check. "I think I want something else," says J-Lo, winking at the waitress. "What," says Mike in that static way he says stuff. "What. Do you. WANT?" (it's like he's studied under Al Pacino sometimes, ya know?) "I haven't decided," says J-Lo and she winks at the waitress again. The waitress is not getting it, so J-Lo reaches up and knocks the waitresses tray, spilling water on the table. "Oh no!" cries J-Lo, getting up. "I'm sorry," she says. "I'll be right back. I've got to go to the ladies' room." "It'll dry off," says Mike. "No, no," she replies. "It's all over my butt."

She and the waitress leave and I have a feeling J-Lo's going to skip out the back. Not wanting to get stuck sitting with Michael Douglas, I go join my mom a few tables over. "What was all that about?" asks mom. I tell her I don't know, but give her my break-up theory. "She's not really his type," says mom. "I mean, he's not great, but he can do better." Dude, I know! "Mom, she said 'butt.' Not backside or behind, but 'butt.'"

"Tramp," says mom.

--- One for the road ---

Francis Ford Coppola had a film festival and the winning director gets to go to the Philippines to build huts with the Peace Corps. It hardly seemed worth it. [I'm pretty sure this dream came from watching Bobby Pacquaio fight and listening to Steve Albert talk about how Bobby's family lives in a 1-room hut and they have to go outside to cook meals on a fire in a hole in the ground. Thank God there's the Coppola Film Festival to help out.]